Macauly Culkin Stars In "Just Me In The House By Myself" As The Grown Up Version Of Kevin McCallister

Absolutely spectacular. A Plus. “She didnt care man. She was too busy being a groupie to a fuckin Polka band or something. I’ve never even gotten the whole story.”

The latest craze the past couple years is breaking down Home Alone in a very literal manner. From the plot inconsistencies surrounding the telephone wires to the travel plans to the physical harm caused by the injuries. But “Just Me In The House By Myself” is actually the most accurate portrayal of what would have happened to Kevin McCallister. No doubt he would grow up to be some deranged tweaker junkie. A full blown sociopath capable of extreme violence. Displaying psychopathic tendencies like he was goddam Dexter Morgan. This is the true path Kevin McCallister would have followed. A life of misery with a pain in the ass coke head wife where the only respite for his desolate life is getting to torture someone inside of a back alley storage unit.  Thats what happens when you grow up in a house thats such a fuckin zoo you need to go to war to get a slice of pizza. Thats what happens when you grow up with a cunt of a mother.

In case you need a reminder what Kevin lived through, here are the official Power Rankings of the Biggest Assholes In Home Alone: Home Alone 1 || Home Alone 2